Letters to our daughters.
I was inspired by some of my favorite photog moms who are doing this for their daughters. This is truly a great gift that I am hoping someday they are able to appreciate.
Even when I was younger, I am always able to express how I feel more in writing. Now that I think about it, I should really journal more.
So here goes my first letter. This is for my eldest daughter, Chloe, who is turning 11 this coming weekend.
I may not be good at showing you this and do not tell you often enough, but you should know that I love you with all my heart.
I know that I push you too hard and you might think that I’m the worst person in the world for doing this but all I wanted for you is to be the best at everything that you can be. I know you are capable of doing great things if you put your heart into it.
Responsibility had been the big word lately in all of our conversations. I guess being 10 years old, you might not really fully understand how to be responsible yet but I’m trying my best to show you and let you understand what it means.
I read a quote once that says something like, “You’re children will never learn what you tell them to do, they will learn what they see from you (the parent).” I couldn’t agree more. I need to be the best example for you. And that’s what scares me. I don’t know if I am able to show you that I am the best example for you. I’ve made mistakes and trying to learn my lessons from it. I just hope that whatever decision you make for yourself now, that you are able to live by it happily in the future.
I should accept that you are still a child and that you should act like one and be worry free just like how a child should be. But it’s just tough to do so when I see you growing up way too fast. I do not want that innocence to fade away but I have to let go and just let you be you. You’ve drifted away from watching blues clues, spongebob and dora to watching videos in youtube, mostly of this boy band ‘one direction’. You’ve drifted away from wanting to spend more time with me to just staying in your room by yourself doing your own thing.
I also have to accept that you have your own decisions. Those decisions might be right or wrong, but you should know that whatever happens, I am here. I am not only your mother but I’m also your best friend. I will be by your side on your journey. To hold your hands when you need me to. To hug you when you are feeling down. To wipe your tears when you are heartbroken. I am here to listen to your problems and am willing to give you a piece of advice. I won’t expect you to do what I say, but I want you to know that I am here and you can always, always talk to me about anything.
I miss those days when we’d lay in bed, put our legs up and chant that silly melody we made up and laugh ourselves until our cheeks starts to hurt for laughing way too hard and way too long. I miss those nights where you want me to lay beside you because you’re too afraid of the dark and cannot fall asleep. I wish we had more of those nights where you want me to be next to you until you fall asleep. I also miss the hugs and kisses you used to give me. I am lucky enought to get one nowadays. I miss my little bubu.
In a couple of days you’ll be 11. You really do grow up way to fast for me. I think I let you grow up way too fast. It felt like I just blinked my eye and there you are – using hand me down clothes from me and even mama’s, borrowing my shoes, eyeliner, lip gloss… and you’re almost as tall as me. I do not want to admit that you truly are becoming a young lady. I hope I am molding you to be confident, strong and responsible person as all mothers want their daughters to be. You may not understand this yet but being a mother surely is the toughest job in the world but is the most rewarding.
Happy birthday my Chloe Love!
I love you!